Recently, a friend asked me about “Icebreakers” in large group facilitation. She is working with a group that is coming together for the first time (approximately 80 people). A little over half of the members have been around each other for over 5 years, the other half is entirely new. She suggested an icebreaker for the gathering, which garnered mixed reactions. Some committee members were supportive, others ambivalent, and others strongly opposed it. She reached out to ask for some “professional advice” on the matter. I figure, what the heck! I may as well write down some thoughts and share it with everybody!
Icebreakers, in general, are activities that get people talking, connecting, and attentive in a group session. We don’t do icebreakers for all of our sessions, but we do use them. For our practice, we call them “warm-ups.” It’s our chance to get people settled and ready for the presentation. We’ve all been PowerPoint blasted for hours at a time. Blayne and I dislike those sessions just as much as anybody. For that reason, our warm-ups serve as an invitation and a model. We know that all of the answers to a given team’s questions are already in the room - it’s our job to facilitate an experience that brings out those insights. In order to do that, we have to give people permission to talk and engage. We know that no one wants to be talked at for two hours - we want a dialogue, and to do that, we model a way to genuinely interact. Here’s why.
People often have mixed reactions to group facilitation and “bringing in the consultants.” We know our expectations are a natural extension of our experiences, and there have been some bad experiences. Some have had the “trust fall” exercise, which has become such a ubiquitous joke that you can say those words sarcastically in any facilitated session and be assured you’ll get some laughs. Some people have had the “Two Bobs” from Office Space experience, making them skeptical and suspicious of any outsiders brought in to “help the company.” But some people have also had enjoyable, productive, and informative experiences that helped them grow. That’s what Blayne and I hope for every time. For participants to walk away thinking, “hmmm…I never thought of it that way,” and have some useful resources to help them apply what they learned. We also hope folks walk away feeling more connected to their teammates. To do that, we must engage them, and a well-placed warm-up can help.
“The greatest gift you ever give, is your honest self”
Every person is a unique end unto themselves, not a means to an end. With this in mind, creating an environment that enables participation is an important part of large-group facilitation. Everybody - the extroverts and the introverts, the leaders and the led, the majority and the minority. All of us. A warm-up won't solve all that in one shot, but it can help, especially if it’s not so serious! One of our most requested modules is Difficult Conversations. We’ve given this presentation enough times to know that (often) people feel like they are being invited into a session where there will be some sort of facilitated battle royale! People think, “They brought in the consultants to finally have this out…” and they dig in. As a result, we start the session with a pretty fun warm-up that gets people oriented to the module and lowers their defenses. We ask:
How likely are you to have a difficult conversation on a scale of 1-10 (with 1 being totally avoidant and 10 being “sometimes I make up things to argue about”)?
How would you rate the effectiveness of your difficult conversations on a scale of 1-5 (with 1 being not well and 5 being very well)?
And most importantly - what’s the best flavor of ice cream?
It’s a little silly, a little serious, and most importantly, disarming. We’re not here to force anybody into anything they don't want to do. We are here to invite others into a brand of leadership that is more effective. Not easier; more effective! And that’s the thing about icebreakers (or warmups) - they are invitations, particularly for those who need them.
I confess that I am not one of those people. As I write this, I can hear my mother pleading with me in the 4th grade, “Brandon, please just keep your mouth shut!”
But many people struggle to speak up. People who have been told that their perspective is invalid by life. People who are not as naturally talkative. People who are extreme introverts. People who need time to process what they want to say before being put on the spot. I’m not like those people. And you may not be like those people either. But those people matter just as much as anybody else, and their perspective is invaluable if we want our teams to represent our people.
People like me don't need icebreakers - I’m practically a walking icebreaker! But icebreakers aren't for people like me. Every large group will have a range of dispositions, and we need to be sure the everybody feels like their voice matters. It is not about me or you. It’s about the group. And if a warmup creates a pathway for others to engage, then I’m all for it. So, here are some simple tips to help you have an effective warmup:
Don’t make it weird, but…
Be a little silly; it takes the pressure down
Don’t make it long in a large group (simple one or two-word answers enable ease of flow)
Make it thoughtful in a small group setting (like, “What song when you hear it takes you immediately to a time or a memory?” Pro Tip - if you want to get to know someone, don't ask them to spill their life story, ask them a question that invites them to tell you about their lives. Music is nearly universally effective for this.
Buy some conversation cards - you can find a bajillion on the internet
Invite, but don’t force anyone to share
If people don’t share, don’t take it personally - they might need some time to warm up
Absolutely no trust falls (see bullet one)
If this is the first time a group is getting together, your first introduction to the group, a gathering that might have a charged/heated topic, a family gathering (which might be that charged topic), or a setting where some of the people know each other and some do not, consider a simple warmup. It can go a long way.
Enjoy - and have a great meeting!
