I once read that our success in life is directly proportional to the number of uncomfortable conversations we are willing to have. Like most rules of thumb, that’s probably oversimplified, but it is also largely true. And we all know it.
As we’ve engaged with organizations across the country, this topic has come up over and over again. It seems that we all need to be better about initiating and navigating difficult conversations. It’s just that they are so damn, well, difficult.
Over the past several weeks, we’ve developed a framework to help our clients be more comfortable and effective in difficult conversations. The feedback has been great so far, and we’re stoked to see folks using it to be better at work.
However, the current state of affairs here in America has made it clear that we ALL need to be having more difficult conversations. We all need to lean into that discomfort, whether it be at home, in our communities, or at our place of work. So, we thought it appropriate to humbly share this framework, along with a 20-minute conversation in hopes of bringing people together, starting some conversations, and maybe even healing a few wounds.
- Blayne and Brandon
Five Steps to Successfully Navigating a Difficult Conversation:
1) Sooner is better. Bad news does not get better with time. Putting off a hard conversation not only creates more mission risk, but it also weighs you down unnecessarily. We don’t want to be rash or reactive, but once the emotions have subsided, go!
2) Prepare, not for a joist, but for success. The goal is to reach a good outcome, together. Taking some time to prepare will allow you to stay on track when things get hard. You can use these questions.
What is going on with him/her? Why might they be having a hard time?
What is going on with me? Why does this conversation feel difficult?
What is the goal of this conversation? What would a good outcome look like?
3) Be Candid. Clear is kind. Be direct, but approach the conversation from a place of caring. And don’t be afraid to acknowledge your role in whatever difficulty has arisen. If they can see that you’ve dropped your sword, they’re more likely to drop their shield.
4) Listen. They may feel attacked or upset. Once you’ve been candid and direct, your job is to listen. Even if you don’t like 90% of what they’re saying, there will be valuable clues in there for you to follow - and it is incredibly important for people to just feel heard.
5) Agree on a plan going forward. This step is critical and often overlooked. Take some time to lay out next steps toward your collective goal. What are you both agreeing to do? When will you check in on progress? What happens if we don’t make progress? Remember that empowerment is clear expectations plus accountability.