As we approach the end of the year, does anyone else feel a sense of urgency to check our scoreboard on what we’ve accomplished (or not) over the year? I sure do. Whether it’s work deadlines, health goals, book reading lists, and family milestones, all of it can be overwhelming, trying to figure out if 2023 will be in the win or loss column. It’s easier for us to focus on what we haven’t accomplished than to remember and have gratitude for what we have. One thing not going as we planned can throw our entire mindset into negative overdrive, where we focus entirely on the “have nots” or “did nots.”
The news headlines of some tangible and terrible events worldwide and in the U.S., the social media bombardment of fear, and the upcoming holiday season only feed the theme of scarcity and comparison. We combine those significant events with our smaller sphere, and life becomes a zero-sum game. We perceive that it’s more complicated than ever to get what we want to keep what we have.
Most of this is self-inflicted with the stories we tell ourselves. Creating a sense of abundance is something that I have to intentionally work on all the time. I’ve been telling myself plenty of stories lately.
A significant project I wanted to finish by October has been delayed (I didn’t help the business grow enough).
I haven’t traveled to see the out-of-state friends and family as we agreed (I suck as a friend and sister).
My husband and I have three home improvement projects we want to get done (I’m the worst homeowner ever).
I didn’t complete as many training hours toward my existing yoga teaching credentials as I mapped out (I’m burdening my fellow teachers at the studio).
I may not accomplish my goal of competing in a jiu-jitsu tournament by the end of the year due to an injury (I’m falling apart).
How many of you are thinking about how someone else locked in more partners for next year than you have, you aren’t on track to meet your sales revenue this year, the journal you said you’d write in daily hasn’t been opened since May, perhaps finances are so strapped you’re wondering how you’re going to make the holidays a great one for your kids.
Stephen Covey created the terms “abundance” and “scarcity” in his seminal work, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. His definition of abundance happens when people believe that there’s enough success, opportunities, and resources to share with others. On the flip side, scarcity is the belief that if someone receives a big win, there’s less for others.
Our entire mindset affects the way we create success and resiliency. A scarcity mindset can paralyze you, leaving you overwhelmed, depressed, and unsure of what action to take. The feeling of scarcity is a direct byproduct of fear. Once we understand how our fears limit our ability to see opportunities, we become less focused on making choices based on perceived fears. Trying to manage scarcity gets complicated. When we focus on what we don’t have or what we aren’t doing, it keeps us scrambling for the next thing. Scarcity is the ultimate feeling of FOMO.
Scarcity mindset
Victim mentality and focusing the energy on what is missing
Thinks small, therefore avoiding risks
Decisions driven by anxiety, fear, and a sense of powerlessness
Sucks the positivity and motivation out of others
Self-worth is established through comparison to others
Abundance drives you to action, feeling motivated and excited about possibilities. People who act within a realm of gratitude make deliberate and careful choices that align with the life they want to live and their values instead of hurrying through decisions to grab what they can. We can define our abundance when we focus on the long game and keep in sight what we are working toward.
Abundance mindset
Takes responsibility for actions and considers life’s opportunities
Celebrates when others succeed
Is willing to act big and possibly fail
Increased sense of creativity and a beginner’s mind to growth
Understand they always have a choice in how they act
“ Self-knowledge is no guarantee of happiness, but it is on the side of happiness and can supply the courage to fight for it. ”
After working through an intentional gratitude practice over the years, I’ve come up with three solutions we can use to create a theme of abundance in our lives:
Widen Your View - The ability to keep an attitude of enthusiasm and wonder, even when we hit roadblocks, will enable us to see more choices, opportunities, and options. Focusing on growth creates a love of learning and increases our resilience in finding solutions. If we focus on growth, we will believe that we can improve through hard work and doing our best. My 4-year-old has cheerfully reminded me time and time again when I get frustrated, “It’s okay, Mommy, just try again.” A myopic view of something being “impossible” or “never going to happen” only shuts us off from any clues presenting themselves that we can’t see.
Create Win-Win Conditions - Whether in a professional or personal environment with others, create situations where you can align. Work together toward a shared outcome where you both feel successful and optimistic about the way forward. Celebrate and share the wins of those around you, enriching relationships. It takes a lot of inner work to know what we want and remain optimistic that good things are coming to us too. When evaluating a personal benchmark, define what abundance means to you. Perhaps you enjoy financial success, and your time with your family has been scarce because you’ve spent more time in the office than at home. View this as an opportunity to invest in some family activities to connect.
Accept It If You Can’t Change It - Stop ruminating. If you can’t control it, stop obsessing. Ruminating involves regret and comparison. Reflection requires us to understand a lesson learned. Stop using your precious mental resources to fight against where you are right now. Give yourself a little grace, too. Whatever you have accomplished up to this point got you here. Here is where you’re meant to be right now. Here is good. We always have the choice of what we will focus on, the positive or the negative. Make peace with where you are and figure out what’s next.
We don’t need to take drastic measures to make up for whatever perceived insufficiency may exist. Most of the time, we just need to step back, look around at the big picture, reframe, and make minor adjustments to our attitude. In the meantime, the delayed work project will be better than initially planned; my friend and I have a trip together in January; new kitchen cabinets are on order; I’ll have taught nearly 70 yoga classes for our community by the end of the year; and my husband and I have a new bond in training jiu-jitsu together.
Brick by brick. It’s nearly impossible to feel fear and gratitude at the same time. Simple, not easy.
