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Think deeply. Converse openly. Share generously.
Our family moved to Maine a couple of years ago, and though it has taken some time to settle in, we’ve really started to enjoy life here. I’m not sure if it’s the pace of life, the long winters, or the friendly people, but I have definitely felt something within me shift. And I've found myself wrestling with a question that feels both simple and profound: What does it mean to be good?
Can we learn from others’ mistakes, or do they have to be our own lessons to learn in the first place? I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately and believe we will–most of us–eventually learn the lessons life is trying to teach us. The question is not if, but when, and at what cost? The time it takes is critical to the process. It’s the cost that counts most.
Adversity is personal - it looks different for everyone. We all have varying tolerance levels for hard things, depending on our abilities and situations. One person’s “hard” isn’t going to be a challenge for someone else. The point is to know what is difficult for us and choose to do it. There’s something powerful about walking into the arena with all the nervous knots in your stomach, knowing you may struggle - and doing it anyway.
We love the beginning of a new year here at ALPs. We’re kind of geeks when it comes to fresh calendar space to plan stuff, and blank pages in a notebook for ideas. It’s a reset button of sorts, an opportunity to plan, dream and organize. But we recognize for some, the turn of the calendar can feel more like a hamster wheel - another round of setting ambitious goals, some self-motivated, others dictated by organizations, with an ever-present search for the motivation to see them through.
We are thrilled to report that Applied Leadership Partners is beginning our sixth year, and we are doing it with more momentum, optimism, and enthusiasm than ever before. That is largely, if not completely, thanks to all of you! Your trust, partnership, and encouragement are what our company is built upon and we simply could not do any of this without you - so we need to begin this letter by expressing our deepest and most sincere gratitude. We are incredibly blessed to do this for a living and we will never take that for granted. THANK YOU!
“Who is at the center of my story?” is a humbling question worth asking regularly. I’ve found that when the answer is “Me,” it’s a warning light on my dashboard of life. It creeps up on me unexpectedly, like experiencing a friend or family member’s trials and tribulations as an inconvenience instead of an opportunity. I know when I’m at the center of my own story when words like “I have to help…” emerge as opposed to “I get to help.”
Happy Veterans Day! Today, we honor and thank all those who have served in uniform, representing about 6% of the US population. Our percentage amongst the US population is shrinking, but I suspect that will change in the coming years as more young adults attempt to enter the workforce unsuccessfully and get tired of working barista and front desk jobs with their bachelor's degrees.
The assignment turned out to be a gift I never expected. Great leaders catch us by surprise that way. That last year in the Army, I wanted to glide. Matt knew I needed to give. I needed to share the wisdom I had gained through Ranger leaders, West Point leaders, and from leading in combat. Not only for the young officers, but also for my bitter heart. I was angry. Like many Soldiers, I just wanted to walk away. Matt knew I needed to say goodbye to the Army the right way. I am thankful for this because I have loved the Army since I can remember. Great leaders know that how you leave is just as important as why you stay.
I’ve spent most of my life asking for forgiveness rather than permission–it’s dispositional and environmental. I’m described as a high DI (DominanceInfluence)/ Achiever/ Activator/ Challenger on every personality profile. Drop that disposition into the GenX experience of being grossly unmonitored throughout my youth, and you’ve got a great cocktail for initiative. And while that’s brought just as many lumps as it has rewards, the fact is I’m comfortable acting with little guidance. Not everyone feels the same, especially not our younger colleagues fresh in the workforce.
The dog days of Q4 are upon us. I can hardly believe it’s October already, and my colleagues and I have a hell of a few months ahead of us. In previous companies and organizations we’ve worked for, Q4 was always called “Fighting Season.” We get it, but let’s be real; fighting season is 12 months out of the year, especially when you have sales numbers, team goals to reach, and services to provide.
You’ll know you’re really leading when you start coming up against the shit that wasn’t in the brochure. You know, the stuff you learn about leadership when you’re actually leading, like the stuff you learn about parenting when you’re actually a parent. Like a DEFCON 5 baby blowout where poop goes up to the back of their necks! That’s the real–defying gravity–shit that wasn’t in the brochure. Leading people has its own similar experiences.
We’ve been discussing blame and accountability as a team and with our partners. Blayne wrote a powerful piece about blame that must be read. Continuing the conversation, I’d like to draw a line in the sand now–blame is useless.
Back in 2009, I was a Special Forces detachment commander in a remote part of Afghanistan. And over a period of eight days, five of my teammates were killed in combat, with a sixth being severely wounded. In the following weeks and months, I really struggled to find my way as a leader. It was the kind of loss and failure that I just couldn’t get my head around.
I've been thinking a lot about AI lately. I can't seem to hear a podcast without it being mentioned. I hear "AI" thrown around in conversations, which I suspect (more often than not) is code for, "I'm not really sure, but I want to say something so I don't look silly." I trust there's a reason it's captivating so many of us, but I'm skeptical about how prominent or pervasive the creation and perpetuation of AI is.
We originally published this article during the COVID-19 pandemic, a time when we were all jammed up together, and tensions turned into flare-ups. The logic remains, and the tactics apply in everyday life when we experience setbacks in our work, our relationships, and so forth. Wherever we experience a setback, we must commit to a bounce back.
Setbacks occur when we don’t meet our deadlines, goals, or intentions. They are caused by factors outside of our control or failed performance in pursuit of those goals. These setbacks can create situations that feel like we’ve “hit a wall,” so we need to bounce back in order to get ourselves and our teammates back on track.
Everyone experiences this, especially when we hit a barrier to our performance that causes us to stop in our tracks. How we naturally respond is personality-driven. Some get depressed and shut down, others get anxious and cry, and some people emotionally withdraw and seethe with anger. There are so many ways we express this as people, but when we aim to bounce back after a setback, we have to take action in service to our goals and our mission.
But sometimes, it feels like you just can’t will your brain to work right even though you know what you have to do. We often ruminate and consider what we could have done differently, what we could have said, or how we could have behaved that could have led to a better outcome. We get stuck. We must take charge of the mental doom loop to get unstuck. To do that, we have to get our brains back on track.
Here are some immediate steps to take when trying to bounce back after a setback:
Stop: Say the word out loud. “STOP!” It may feel a little silly, but it makes a major difference.
Saying stop alerts your higher functions to take charge of your mind and body. The sympathetic nervous system often takes over in the aftermath of a major setback. Essentially, we are in a reactive fight-or-flight mode. This can look a lot like ruminating on the setback, losing sleep, replaying moments in our minds, or rehashing conversations we wish we could do over.
Saying “STOP” alerts our parasympathetic nervous system to help us return to our prefrontal cortex, the center of the brain that controls higher thinking.
Breathe: Take a few minutes to do some intentional belly breathing.
Take it all in, filling the bottom of your lungs first, then exhaling. Do this several times and calm your system. The ability to activate your parasympathetic nervous system will begin to engage your sympathetic nervous system and let your body know that you neither need to fight nor flee.
Refocus: Change the focus in your mind to change being stuck in the setback.
What are you mentally fixating on at the moment, and how is it helping to relieve your frustration? If it’s not, you need to refocus on something else. Sing a song, do a simple task (like expenses), read an article, or call a friend. Whatever you do, make sure you do something else so your brain can reset.
Then, if you really want to go deeper:
Reassure: You’re not the only one who’s stressed out. Odds are the setback belongs to the whole team. Reassuring others that you are feeling upset while reassuring them of your care for them makes a difference.
Get Some Space: Go outside, go into another room, get some distance. If you tend to withdraw when things get tense, perhaps let your teammates know that you are upset and you need a moment but will return and resume afterwards.
Physical Activity: Get some bilateral stimulation to help your brain process what you’re thinking and your body regulate what you’re feeling. Incorporating movement with breathing will strengthen the ability to see clearly.
Acupressure: if you’re really fired up, take a few minutes to activate some acupressure releases. You can learn a bit about some of the techniques at the University of Colorado supported Individualized Training and Education in Acupressure site via our friends at The Marcus Institute for Brain Health.
Recognize that this could take some time and intentional effort to get back to cool. A few of our favorite activities for bringing the temperature down include prayer, journaling, yoga, art, walking, singing, reading, meditation, and the list goes on. Find what works best for you and do it consistently. Also, use the technique as a preventative measure to keep you from losing your cool.
