The Unknown Distance March

There’s a reason why the Rangers, the Green Berets, and many other Special Operations Units use unknown distance ruck marches to assess candidates during selection and build grit and resolve during training. The ruck is often called “the ultimate equalizer”. It can make a 250lbs linebacker fall by the wayside while a 140lbs teenager drives on. The ruck does not discriminate and it does not relent. 

But those who really know, know that the unknown distance march isn’t about the weight of the ruck or the number of miles covered.

It’s about the uncertainty – the ability to persevere through continuous hardship for however long it takes. It’s about learning to focus on the mission, not the moment. 

Ruck marching is a painful endeavor to begin with, even when you know how far you’re traveling. But walking an unknown distance at night over punishing terrain teaches you a lot about yourself and your teammates. 

The one penetrating thought that seeps into your mind amidst the strain and the pain is whether or not you will quit. Will you break when it gets hard, the finish line is nowhere in sight, and you just want it to end? Or will you find the strength to keep pushing, to lean on your teammates, and complete the mission? Sadly, it’s the ones who take a knee on the side of the road that never get back up and never see what’s at the top of the hill.

In 2006, I had the privilege of competing in the Best Ranger Competition and the unknown distance march put a microscope on my resolve and my reliance upon my teammate. Jeremiah Pittman and I stepped out, like the rest of the teams, at “0-Dark-Thirty” and I knew it was going to be a rough night. Seven years earlier, I had learned an important lesson about myself during the grueling 61 days of Ranger School. You can starve me, you can smoke me, you can load me down with weight and you can make me walk for days on end. But sleep deprivation is my weakness. 

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The Best Ranger Competition is like an Ironman on steroids. It’s 60 miles in 60 continuous hours with no sleep, interlaced with common Ranger tasks and tactics like shooting, land navigation, parachuting, obstacle courses and other events to push the limits of endurance. The mission for every competitor standing in their two-man buddy teams at the starting line is simple: cross the finish line. Most do not accomplish their mission. The march started after the first 20 hours of non stop competition and I was exhausted. Though always a strong ruck marcher, a few miles in I was droning (falling asleep while walking) and hallucinating. We had no clue how long the event would last. The only instructions were go! Until you’re told to stop. Relying on my teammate, I kept putting one foot in front of the other as he nursed me with packets of electrolytes, sugary drink mixes, candy bars and encouragement. It was miserable and I just wanted to stop and go to sleep. But I didn’t. I wasn’t going to let my teammate down.  

The musky Georgia night lurched on one footfall at a time. Walk the uphills, run the downhills. Hope began to stir as we passed other teams of Rangers, giving them a thumbs up and a word of encouragement as they dropped behind us two by two. Jeremiah knew just how to awaken me fully, “hey, let’s start counting the bodies we pass and just run our race, B.” 1 Team…2…3…4…the teams would emerge on the horizon and fall behind us to the road. Jack and Jill. Up the hill. 

Eventually, the sky tore open and a southern storm erupted upon the pines and the asphalt. We dropped the hammer and ran most of the miles thereafter. When we finally emerged into a clearing and were told to get on the trucks, only two teams had made it in before us. We would go on to place 3rd in the competition, but I never would have seen the finish line without my Ranger Buddy.Those lessons stay with me today, as our country finds itself in the middle of an unknown distance march, stuck in social distance, taking it all one day at a time. I hope sharing these lessons will offer some perspective that will help you to take care of each other and see this thing through.

Some lessons from the under the ruck:

  • The Mission > The Moment: no hardship lasts forever, keep going and remember why you started in the first place.

  • Settle In and Temper Your Expectations: unknown means just that, stop trying to guess when it ends; setting your mind to mile 16 will shatter your spirits come mile 17.

  • Look for Signs of Unsettling: they may sound a lot like, “hey, the team is asking me when you think this will end…” or “asking for a friend, but when do you think we can go back to normal?” Interpretation: I’ve had it and I want this to end. Now.

  • Don’t Go It Alone: come alongside and encourage one another when it’s hard; you will get through this, together. 

  • Tell the Truth: No one can read your mind, if you’re hurting, say you’re hurting so your team can solve the problem; hiding a personal weakness will become a team liability.

  • Encourage, Don’t Complain: the very last thing we need is to hear one more person say, “this sucks”…we know! You can acknowledge the adversity, but don’t belabor it!  

  • Never Leave a Fallen Comrade: a tactical halt to collect yourself is a lot different than quitting; leave no one behind.

  • Finally - Never, Ever Quit

I know you want this to end, I do too, but it’s not going to as soon as you want it to. When it does, I don’t imagine life will look the same as when the quarantine began and I hope you are not the same, either. I hope you are taking every lesson this road is offering you.  So take a moment and ask, what are you learning about yourself in the midst of your unknown distance march and who are you leaning on? 

Getting briefed at the archery and tomahawk event.jpg

This article originally appeared in GORUCK. Please check them out!

Thumbnail photo credit: Colton Duke @csoref via Unsplash.

#STEMStrong (Part 3 of 3): When Things Fall Apart, Put Them Back...Together

Above: The Castillo Family, STEM School Cross Country, Veterans, and First Responders honored and remembered Kendrick Castillo on September 15, 2019 with The Colorado Run for the Fallen. Kendrick was the first civilian honored in this national memorial for fallen Service Members and First Responders. He remains in our hearts, forever. We will see him again.

This article appeared on Thrive Global. Please check them out.

11 days after the STEM Highlands Ranch School shooting, we hadn’t stopped since the event. Vigils, gatherings, prayer groups and conversations with other shocked parents were the new normal. 

May 18, 2019 Elliot and I were at Jaden’s School of Rock concert. As the band played, some feedback made a sharp crack. Elliot immediately went into a panic response and we had to exit the hall. We went outside calmly and sat down on the sidewalk, legs and arms crossed in the “Cook’s Technique” to activate our parasympathetic nervous systems. Breathing deeply, we calmed the body down and checked back into our surroundings.

Our hair danced along a breeze as rain drops join us about the concrete. Weeds swayed and popped along in patches amongst the concrete. We are safe, the mind can understand this fact, the nervous system, however, must catch up. 

This is the new normal. For now…

Jaden Young. Coolest drummer we know!

Jaden Young. Coolest drummer we know!

3 days later, we enter the house, our aging dog falls three times in the distance between the kennel and the sliding glass door, and then collapses as she attempts to potty in the grass. And it all falls apart…

“No! No! No! No! No!” Elliot’s shrieks of horror erupt as our family dog hits the grass. It’s all just too much. Her knees buckle as she buries her head in my chest. I hold her to the world around her as it spins and falls apart. 

“I’m not ready...I’m not ready.” She has never known a world without Ojo, one of our two family dogs--both suffering. One from old age, the other (Juno) from cancer. 

It’s all just too much. She sobs and shakes for some time and eventually, it spills out, “I just wanted to get through math class…”

“I just wanted to get through math and go home…”

I’m heartbroken. I am her dad and I just can’t protect her from this. I can’t save her. 

We thank God everyday for this day.

We thank God everyday for this day.

Our son, Jaden is a stoic young man. 6’1”, 155 pounds with crystal blue eyes that see everything; ears that hear everything. He is unassuming; shares very little but feels very deeply.

“I’m not doing so well, my mental state just isn’t right.“ I am shaken by his clarity of thought. He’s having nightmares now, and our hearts break. “I don’t feel right, and I know I don’t feel right… I just don’t know what to do about it. My head is all confused…“

The afternoon was nearly over when I realized that my chest has been tight all day long. Anxiety welled deep inside of me. I know this to be the effects of trauma, and I surrender. “Be still, and know that I am God“ Psalm 46:10

May 2020 - That was a year ago, and much has transpired since those early days after the STEM School Shooting. We have had a community of family and friends rally around us, our church family has held us up in prayer and fellowship, we committed to moving through this together with God at the center, and we all immediately sought clinical help to work through the effects of our respective traumas. 

I have received over 20 hours of EMDR therapy, thanks to The Marcus Institute for Brain Health and Headstrong, helping me untangle what came up in the wake of this event.

Today, the healing continues, imperfectly, but not alone. You can hear my children share their hearts on this matter in this five minute Mission Roll Call Be A Leader video. They held their heads high and after we filmed this together, Elli looked at me and said, “empowered...that’s how I feel knowing that our story may help someone.” 

Today, Elliot is a burgeoning young chef at Thunder Ridge Highschool, aiming to begin the Pro-Start Culinary program next fall, in her Sophomore year. Jaden is preparing to graduate from STEM School Highlands Ranch and launch off to college in the Fall.

He was accepted to Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University in Prescott, AZ for the Simulation Science, Games and Animation program. Though college was not in his plan for 2021 a year ago.

From those early moments last year to today, he has grown so much in such little time. Below, I share an excerpt from his college essay that speaks volumes about our cherished STEM School Highlands Ranch Community, the belonging these students feel, and how much I have learned about resilience from Jaden.

In the essay, he was asked to “tell Embry-Riddle about an accomplishment and how it affected his future goals”. He shares his thoughts below.

 Middle school for me started out with learning about myself. What I quickly realized was that I was a “Nerd” that enjoyed playing board games and doing intellectual stuff that people at public schools don’t appreciate. I never was the kind of person to enjoy sports or talk to every person on campus. I didn’t fit in, which made going into school everyday a struggle. I was getting bullied by anyone who remotely thought they were better than me…the constant stream of insults really shattered me, so my family and I decided to do something about it. 

After taking a tour of STEM they (my parents) decided the school was a perfect fit for me, but I was still the new kid on the block. I started to feel more like a STEM student after connecting with new people (through common interests and games) and making friends, but this wasn’t the only problem I had when moving to STEM. 

When I moved to STEM in 2016, I had little experience with computers... so I started learning how to use computers, type semi-fast, and use a computer to do work. Freshman year I took the intro to programming class and it was my favorite class and I was excited to go to it every day, so Sophomore year I took Game Design 1 and Game Design 2. This sparked my love for coding and set me on a path to pursue a career in coding, but I didn’t really know that then. This period of growth re-ignited my personality and allowed it to grow into the person I am today, a Senior who values friendship, logic, intellect, adaptability, and development. This problem pushed me to realize that I wanted to go into Game Design and Software engineering which follows me today and is what pushes me to go into these fields.

The thing that I love the most about games is their ability to bring people together, but all of my passion and resilience was tested last year on May 7th. On May 7th around 2:00, 2 armed students walked into STEM School Highlands Ranch and tried to murder their peers. These people changed the lives of many friends of mine and other students, but in a way, it changed me too. At the beginning of this year, I was determined that these events wouldn’t hold me back and keep me from what I wanted to do. Before the shooting I didn’t think I was going to college. In fact, I was scared, but after the shooting, I knew there wasn’t anything I couldn’t overcome. Then earlier this year, Embry-Riddle came to my school and I knew it would be the right place for me. I also had a GPA increase and I set a new personal record or PR in cross country because this experience made me determined to do better. 

On to the next hilltop, son. You will never walk alone. Godspeed!

February 2020 - Jaden is accepted as an incoming Freshman for the 2021 school year at Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University in Prescott, AZ.

February 2020 - Jaden is accepted as an incoming Freshman for the 2021 school year at Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University in Prescott, AZ.

My children remind me everyday that resilience awaits on the other side of hardship. That healing is a journey, not to be taken alone. That courage comes in more forms than we think of at face value. And that “the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it” (John 1:5). 

I pray you will remember these the next time things fall apart. 


Brandon

#STEMStrong (Part 2 of 3) Where We Are Today, But Not For Tomorrow

Above: May 12, 2019, our community gathered at sunset for a vigil and walk to honor our fallen hero, Kendrick Castillo. The vigil was planned and facilitated by another school in the area, Sky View Academy.

This article appeared on Thrive Global. Please check them out.

May 10, 2019. Three days after the shooting I just sat there. Numb. Watching the scenes around me unfold. My son walked around our church as white t-shirts with #STEMstrong on them are distributed by grade. A mourning community uniting to support one another. 

Signs are posted in front of the school, pictures of Kendrick, flowers, balloons and cards. And it is all familiar, yet starkly different. 

I remember the outpouring of American support when we returned from Afghanistan. I remember a hanger on McChord Air Force Base filled with signs of support, love, admiration and unity. I remember my beautiful wife standing there with tears in her eyes and our son in her arms. 

We made it back. Or made it out, depending on which way you see it.

We gathered and connected; it was beautiful. All those years ago we were beginning to process our trauma together. We have a bond that lasts a lifetime to this day. Trauma pulls you together with those who experience it in a special way. You never wanted to be a part of this club, but it is unique.

I am 13 years removed from my last rotation to Afghanistan, 6 years since being diagnosed with PTSD. Sitting in these community meetings, we watched these gatherings, watched our children laugh and connect and be children and my body shuddered with a mixture of joy and sorrow. 

2003 - Brandon, Kelly and their son, Jaden. McChord AFB (now JBLM). Charlie Co. 2nd Battalion, 75th Ranger Regiment.

2003 - Brandon, Kelly and their son, Jaden. McChord AFB (now JBLM). Charlie Co. 2nd Battalion, 75th Ranger Regiment.

We can’t imagine what these kids are feeling right now, but as a dad who has experienced trauma, here are the conversations we have with our children:

  • Every day, every moment, we will do our very best to meet you where you are. We are not perfect, but we love you and we are here in the journey together. 

  • Everyone in this community is here with you, not for you. Don’t get it twisted. There is an army of people out there who are healing from trauma, the ones who get better understand this simple truth, the ones who don’t become entitled and never get out of this. 

  • We are at the beginning of a lifelong journey. The way you feel today will not be the way that you feel years down the road unless you choose to stay in the pain of the past.

  • We are here with you, we empathize with you, but we do not sympathize. What you experienced is wholly yours. It belongs to you and the others who experienced it with you. I have experienced extreme trauma, I have been to war four times, but it is not the same. I went to war to experience my trauma. You went to class. I respect that and I am so sorry that this is the world we have handed you.  

  • I will share my story with you, and in doing so hope to build a bridge between our hearts. I have no other agenda than, “I love you”. We will not compare our traumas. My encouragement is that you do not compare yours with other students who were in the room, in the building or fellow students who were off-campus at that specific moment in the day. Everyone’s trauma is different and we all experience hurt on our own terms. 

  • As parents, we were not in those rooms where bullets ripped through walls and reality. As children, you were not in the moments of terror praying to God for news that your children were not the next casualties. Let’s not hold these facts against one another. 

2006 - Brandon and his daughter, Elli, 75th Ranger Regiment

2006 - Brandon and his daughter, Elli, 75th Ranger Regiment

  • This was not your fault, nobody deserves to experience horror like this and our hearts hurt that this happened.

  • It’s okay that you feel bad, that you feel guilty that you did not get shot when your classmate right next to you did; that is normal. But it is not fair to you and it’s not your fault. 16 years ago a friend was killed in Afghanistan and I wasn’t. I felt horrible that it wasn’t me. I felt horrible that I wasn’t there for him or the rest of the guys that experienced that situation. Since then, I have lost 7 more men I called “brother”. While my sorrow still exists, my ownership over the desire to trade lives with them no longer does. 

  • We do not choose who lives and who dies in traumatic situations, we cannot know; only God knows. The more you replay the situation, the more you look for answers to questions you cannot find, the more you will arrive at a place where you must surrender your false sense that you will understand this. Seek God, not answers to these questions. “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13

  • You will not understand why because you cannot understand this. There is a darkness in this world, an evil that you have now experienced first hand. For that we are so sorry. “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” Proverbs 3:5

  • You get to be angry, you get to be scared, you may feel unsafe and it’s okay. It’s okay to sleep with mom and me, or with the lights on again. Call for us in the middle of the night when you need to. Take some breaks when you have to. 

Finally, We are sorry we couldn't protect you from that evil. We cannot protect you from evil, but God can. God did. 

This is where we are now, but it will not be where we are forever.

Brandon

#STEMStrong (Part 1 of 3): The Morning After

This article appeared on Thrive Global. Please check them out!

The morning after the STEM Highlands Ranch shooting, our home began in a daze like many other homes in our suburban community. Our son was a Junior, our daughter in 8th grade at the time of the STEM School Shooting on May 7, 2019, that amongst other things, took the life of a brave, kind, and gentle young Kendrick Castillo. 

We are all reeling in disbelief that this happened to our community. Again. 

That this happened to us. 

We are shaken and as parents, Kelly and I are scared. 

Our stoic son is angry, rightly so. And we give him space. 

May 8, 2019 - The day after. Mission Hills Church responds with love, compassion, and support. Our church remained full of STEM families and the community all day.

May 8, 2019 - The day after. Mission Hills Church responds with love, compassion, and support. Our church remained full of STEM families and the community all day.

Our daughter curls up on the couch and begins, “We were all huddled down against one another, scared and trying to get as low as possible. I was praying, holding one students hand and rubbing the back of another. Then, the bullets ripped through the wall in front of us and we could all feel it...like the energy of it. A pungent smell and something burning filled our noses and that’s when someone pointed in shock at a classmate, red ringing a hole on her clothing…”

Walking over to the couch, I sit next to my sweet baby girl. She is fourteen years old, the morning after the STEM Highlands Ranch shooting, much older today than any parent hopes for their child. 

Where do I begin?

Our family has been walking with war veterans and traumatized children for nearly 20 years, so we begin with all we can offer in moments such as these: love, empathy and vulnerability. Compassion. 

“My heart hurts for you, kiddo. I remember the first time I was shot at in Afghanistan.” I take her hand in mine and smile meekly. Her freckles highlight the tears welling up in her soft, brown eyes. “I remember rocks on the ground and being exposed, out in the open. We got so low it felt like I was trying to become a part of the rocks.”

“Yes!” Her eyes flash, “exactly! We were all squished together and I had students’ arms and legs all over me.”

She is talking; this is good. 

“I remember at first, the guys and I looked at each other and someone said, ‘I think we’re getting shot at?’” Bullets cracked overhead and we all agreed. “We’re getting shot at. Take cover!”

It was surreal. You recognize what’s happening and can see yourself in the moment. You know you’re supposed to be scared, but you don’t feel scared. You cannot allow this. There’s work to do, actions to take, people to protect. So you execute. Your training takes over and you do what you know is right in the moment. The emotions come later.

Later, you feel the fear. Later we feel everything. 

“Dad, that’s exactly what it felt like! We trained for this so many times and it was like...is this happening? This is happening!”

We cry together and hold her close. Kelly and I are angry. So angry. And saddened. 

Though we feel the aftermath of trauma together, it is not the same. I was trained to go to war. Hours, days, months, years, I trained with men who were prepared to experience savagery. Inhumanity. To harness and direct extreme brutality and control their fears. To strike first with speed, surprise and violence of action and when hit to hit back harder. So hard the enemy would never get back up. But our children should never be prepared for this. 

As Soldiers, we expect the aftermath of war may include the effects of experiencing trauma. As students, our children shouldn’t have to face the same prospect from going to class. 

I went to war to get PTSD, my children went to math class. 

2003 - Brandon and Rangers from 1st Platoon (Madslashers) Charlie Co. 2nd Battalion, 75th Ranger Regiment. Nuristan Province, Afghanistan.

2003 - Brandon and Rangers from 1st Platoon (Madslashers) Charlie Co. 2nd Battalion, 75th Ranger Regiment. Nuristan Province, Afghanistan.

We live in a world now where our kids are the routine targets of mass murder, often times by their very peers. And they know it. 

It’s the knowing that hurts so much. My children will never be able to unknow what they now know. They will never be able to unsee the evil in this world because they have now experienced it up close and personal. Smells and sounds. Lights and noises. Blood and carbon. 

They will also never be able to unsee the light. 

“The light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it.” John 1:5

As bullets ripped through walls, flesh and the veneer of our affluent, suburban life, they also shredded the veil that separates us from the darkness in this world. 

The new reality for our children is one in which the world around us can go hidden no longer. But a choice emerges in that reality. Those who have lived through trauma must make a choice everyday: light or darkness, life or death, anguish or healing. For as the Apostle Paul reminds us, “what fellowship can light have with darkness?” 2 Corinthians 6:14 

None. 

We have all now experienced the darkness up close and personal in our home and it’s the very thing that keeps Kelly and me up at night. We all now must choose everyday to take another step on the healing journey, or remain in the muck of the pain. 

Kelly will have to choose to live in that dark moment as an ER Nurse, receiving casualties from our children's school, not knowing if one of our kids is on the next ambulance. Or the light of the evenings when she can walk down the hall and hear our kids breathing as they sleep. Our son will have to choose to live in the engineering lab, covered by machines and noise, or the moment when he saw his baby sister at the rally point after the shooting stopped and held her as she cried. 

I can choose to live in the rocks and dust of an Afghan Valley or walk in the light of a day where I get to hold my daughter and cry with her when she hurts. 

From here on out, she will have to choose to live in the darkness of classroom 106, huddled against a mesh of children and floor, praying to Jesus, or walk in the light of the rainy Colorado day that awaited when the shooting stopped. 

We choose life. 

Brandon

Chalk on the ground outside of STEM School Highlands Ranch

Chalk on the ground outside of STEM School Highlands Ranch



A Message From Your RIP Instructor

The heartbreaking truth is that I can’t save you. And you cannot save your brother or sister. We can speak up; we can walk with the voiceless. We can have the courage to be real, be seen and be heard. We can hear others without judgement. We can get help, trained professionals that can change the situation. And we are not alone.

This article first appeared in The Havok Journal. Please check them out.

After countless hours of freezing rain, bitter cold and the cut of the ruck on my shoulders it finally happened: I let go of my illusions that the situation would ever improve.

I embraced my indoctrination as an Airborne Ranger and entered into a brotherhood of shared sacrifice and violence on the fringe of American society. Many years later I peered at the formation of young Ranger hopefuls in the same field, under the same vicious sting of a Cole Range winter and smiled as the herd thinned itself naturally. “See the woodline? Touch it!”

We talk of Brotherhood all the time. Brotherhood is belonging. Brotherhood is family. Brotherhood is anytime, anywhere. So what can we learn when one of our family, one of our brothers takes his own life?

Surely, we must take stock and learn something. We talk about the depth of our bond forged of long nights and moments best forgotten, but are we hiding a shallow truth in plain sight from one another? Are we really being honest with each other? Are we truly sharing how we feel inside?

Sometimes I think not.

What are we so afraid of?

2003 - Charlie Co. 2/75 Ranger Regiment, Bagram, Afghanistan

2003 - Charlie Co. 2/75 Ranger Regiment, Bagram, Afghanistan

I think shame is what we are all hiding in plain sight. Shame that we are not good enough, strong enough, “Ranger” enough. Shame to admit that we are not “ok.” That we are struggling with emotions that won’t stop swelling inside us and shame from our inability to silence our thoughts from the still of our comfortable homes (though we were capable of quelling them during the battle overseas).

We were taught to silence our emotions in order to execute in combat, to operate in a zero defect environment. We were taught to be indomitable, bulletproof, invincible: invulnerable. And here today, with all that training and experience, it’s just not working anymore. Today we have become unable to silence the storms inside, unable to stop the memories and we are ashamed of our inability to “suck it up and drive on.”

I know the struggle well, our indoctrination was precise and the approach was intentional.

As a former RIP Instructor (Ranger Indoctrination Program, now known as the Ranger Assessment and Selection Program/ RASP) and Pre-Ranger Instructor my role was specific and our approach was exact: create killers. Un-feeling, un-yielding destroyers capable of operating and leading under the most intense emotional and physical stress imaginable.

The physical part, that was easy. The emotional and mental parts, that was the trick. The culmination of our approach was numbness or compartmentalization: indifference.

Indifference was achieved when no matter how bad, no matter how much it hurt (how terrified or miserable) you executed with exact aggression on target. Precise violence of action.

Indifference was critical to your ability to perform on target. To be physically, emotionally and mentally willing to enter a building and clear a room knowing full well that on the other side awaits an enemy ready to kill you is not normal. Face this fact right now. To combat the terror of a life stepping into the breach, you have been conditioned to ignore your emotions. Taught to excuse the fear, the pit in your stomach, taught to harness the adrenaline coursing through your veins and focus all your being into acts of unprecedented and calculated violence.

2001 - Alpha Co. 2/75 Ranger Regiment. Jordan.

2001 - Alpha Co. 2/75 Ranger Regiment. Jordan.

Here’s what we didn’t teach you: how to stop being indifferent. How to feel again.

How after embracing a culture of violence, there is on the other side a lifetime of peace, should you choose to accept it. A life of home. I fear this is killing us. Literally. Killing our families, our friendships, our coveted brotherhood and our communities as we kill ourselves. We bought into a necessary reality for the days when we stood in the breach, but today at home in America, we hang on to a lie: you must be indomitable, still.

Vulnerability is not weakness. While antithetical to your training as a war fighter, in life, vulnerability equates to strength.

Anger, fear, shame, uncertainty, pride, regret, joy and sadness. These are emotions. You are feeling again. This is normal. Welcome home. Now let’s get to work.

Let’s cut the crap. Start being honest with ourselves and with each other. Call that buddy of yours, but do it with a spirit of vulnerability. Author Brene Brown talks a great deal about vulnerability, citing shame as the major barrier for living “whole heartedly,” or with a spirit of vulnerability and openness.

I think we may be ashamed of our humanity and the emotions we wrestle with today: days, months and years after living a life of abandon. We stay in our “box” after service; wear our unit swag, grow our beards long, tattoo our units on our bodies (I certainly did) and generally live with an attitude appropriate to when our job required us to be strong in austere environments on the periphery of society.

Why do we still do this after service? Because we don’t know how to come home.

2018 - 20 years after sharing a barracks room in the Blacksheep, A Company 2/75 Ranger Regiment. Brothers to this day.

2018 - 20 years after sharing a barracks room in the Blacksheep, A Company 2/75 Ranger Regiment. Brothers to this day.

We all pay for it. At some point, we will all pay the price.” I shared these words with my squad at “pool PT” (breakfast at Hawks Prairie restaurant) after we returned from Afghanistan our second time in 2003. Many of us were feeling uneasy around our community, out of place. Different.

Emotion is a human function. You can learn how to compartmentalize it, to ignore it, but it will not go away. From the most senior men in the formation to the lowest private, we are all people. All of us wrestle with emotions thought to be long forgotten. We have an insidious lie tearing into the fabric of our community. The façade, the lie, is that you have to be a stone-hard, emotionless killer to be “in.” I don’t know about you, but I’m exhausted with it. If buying this lie every day is required to be “in,” then I’m out.

I think we hold onto “Ranger” more than we hold on to “brother” and I believe we are lying to ourselves if we think we aren’t afraid to be real and start talking about what’s really going on. I think we are scared to admit that we are hurting, that we don’t know how to fight what’s going on inside our hearts and our heads.

That we can’t figure out how to engage with our loved ones, that we can’t say “I’m sorry” or “I don’t know.” That if we admit it, we are weak and worthless. No longer worthy of our place within this brotherhood. I think we’ve become afraid to say, “help, please.”

“I don’t need help. I’m fine. Everyone else is wrong, nobody gets me and I will figure it out myself.” These and other lies we tell ourselves are the ones that are killing us.

Tell the truth, brothers.

I am angry much of the time. I burn my kids to the ground with my words. I hold myself and others to unattainable standards. I bury myself in work because I can control it. I avoid my life because it’s unpredictable, messy. I can’t recall the last night I slept through, the last day I didn’t feel the world on my chest or the pain from all the people I’ve hurt and how much I enjoyed it. I hate that I miss the rush.

I miss feeling the flow of being on the OBJ. I miss the unspoken link with the men to my left and right on target. I miss the power to end another’s life.

Video created by MHS Productions and respectfully shared by the author.

I am terrified that I will lose my wife and my children because I can’t get my act together and I have contemplated suicide when I have fallen into the darkness of a life owning the night.

There are good days and bad days, that’s life. But I have experienced many more good than bad since I walked into the V.A. and spoke those words of truth for the first time out loud.

You are not alone.

Suffering and suicide are not uniquely veteran phenomena, much like compartmentalization and conditioning are not uniquely “Ranger.” Mental health and suicide is a wholly human epidemic in America today (rising 24% from 1999 through 2014).

I write this message with a spirit of hope. If one sentence resonates with you, I hope you take action. Have a real conversation today, be honest and be prepared to be “seen”. Also, know the five signs of someone in emotional pain, seek out and attend a safeTALK training in your area to learn how to be more suicide alert and how to take action. Get out of your house and engage with your brothers, with others in your community. If needed, here are a list of resources that can help:

The Marcus Institute for Brain Health

Headstrong

The Gallant Few

The Darby Project

U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs Mental Health Resources

2018 - Gap of Dunloe, Ireland. The moment we heard the news. No amount of beauty that surrounded could take the sorrow from our hearts. We all lost a family member that day.

2018 - Gap of Dunloe, Ireland. The moment we heard the news. No amount of beauty that surrounded could take the sorrow from our hearts. We all lost a family member that day.

Four closing thoughts: First, I wrote this article a few years ago, after a Ranger in our community suicided. Since that day, a dear brother took his own life. The loss has inextricably altered my life and the lives within my community. I cannot underscore the pain and sorrow we feel without this man in our lives. I love him dearly. Second, in a world of cultural relativity, here is an absolute truth: if you think suicide will make things better, you are absolutely wrong. Sit with those left behind and you’ll know this. Third, please, I beg you, if you are contemplating suicide, tell someone and get help. You are not alone. Finally, Jesus pulled me out of my sorrow, I pray you pull out of yours. You are so loved.

You are so loved.

-Brandon

7 Healthy Responses to "Hitting the Wall"

Here we are still. COVID is still a thing, social unrest hasn’t gone away, school is back in session, summer is over, and there seems to be no end in sight. Across client engagements, in personal relationships, and even checking out at the grocery store, it feels like that weight is still upon us all. It feels like we are hitting the wall(s).

Psychologically, hitting the wall feels a lot like a wet blanket on the soul, or like running in mud. Sometimes it feels like you just can’t will your brain to work right even though you know what you have to do.

Everyone experiences this. Being around the same people, in the same place, with what feels like a no win situation for a long time can lead to feelings of helplessness. 

Photo Credit Jonathan Rados via Unsplash

Photo Credit Jonathan Rados via Unsplash

What happens next is personality driven. Some get depressed and shut down, others get anxious and cry. Some people emotionally withdraw and seethe with anger. There are so many ways we express this as people, but when we hit the wall, we have to take action.

A few thoughts for when you hit the wall:

  • Stop: Before you say anything, don’t. Frankly, try your hardest to just be nice; if you can’t do that, then walk away. 

  • Breathe: Take a few minutes with some intentional belly breathing. Take it all in, filling the bottom of your lungs first, then exhale. The ability to activate your parasympathetic nervous system will begin to engage your sympathetic and let your body know that you neither need to fight, nor flee.

  • Refocus: What are you mentally fixating on in the moment and how is it helping bring you down from your frustration? If it’s not, you need to refocus on something else. 

  • Reassure: You’re not the only one who’s stressed out. Everyone is cooped up. Everyone has lost their sense of normalcy. Reassuring others that you are feeling upset while reassuring them of your care for them makes a difference.

  • Get Some Space: Go outside, go into another room, get some distance. If you tend to withdraw when things get tense, perhaps let your partner or your children know that you are upset and you need a moment, but will return and resume the relationship.

  • Physical Activity: Get some bilateral stimulation to help your brain to process what you’re thinking and your body to regulate what you’re feeling. Are you getting stronger right now or are you getting weaker? Choose stronger

  • Acupressure: if you’re really fired up, take a few minutes to activate some acupressure releases. You can learn a bit about some of the techniques at the University of Colorado supported Individualized Training and Education in Acupressure site via our friends at The Marcus Institute for Brain Health.

Here are a few activities you can use to channel your frustration: prayer, journaling, yoga, art, walking, singing, reading, meditation, the list goes on. Find what works best for you and do it consistently. Also, use the technique as a preventative measure to keep you from loosing your cool. 

Photo Credit Nathan Dumleo via Unsplash

Photo Credit Nathan Dumleo via Unsplash

You’re not crazy, and you’re not a terrible person. You’re a human being experiencing a difficult situation. Everyone hits the wall from time to time, especially when nothing is the way it should be. If you have already blown through your opportunity to just be nice when you’ve hit the wall, and you are in the process of recovering, here’s a word of advice: apologize and ask for forgiveness. 

Keep short accounts with your loved ones or fellow quarantiners (as a general rule) and especially in this time because they’ll still be there with you tomorrow. 

Finally, settle in, this is not going to change anytime soon. You have to wrap your head around this reality. The reason marathoners call it hitting the wall is because they experience this phenomenon every marathon. It feels like you can’t take another step, or another moment. But you can. And that’s the reason marathoners have stacks of medals hanging on their walls. 

You can take far more than you think. Remember that the next time you hit the wall. 



Thumbnail photo credit Andre Hunter via Unsplash.

A Crisis is a Terrible Thing to Waste

This blog was originally shared by our friends at GORUCK. Please go check them out! You can view the original version here.

This is not normal. It is also not a new normal. This is an interruption. And just like anytime our normal behavior is interrupted, we have an opportunity to wake up, snap out of our mindless patterns, appreciate what we have, and make a better plan for the future. So let’s go, friends. A crisis is a terrible thing to waste. 

I’ve heard a lot of talk about how this is an amazing chance to just Netflix and chill. That’s wrong. Don’t do that. Let the rest of the country get soft on Game of Thrones and Domino’s while you take this time to get your head right, your body healthy, and your house in order. When the “all-clear” is given and the world goes back to work, you’ll be strong and focused and ready. As Mark Rippetoe famously said, “Strong people are harder to kill, and more useful in general.” And make no mistake, there will be plenty of opportunity for you to be useful on the other side of COVID-19. Start preparing now. Here’s a framework that I think will help you.

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Perspective and Gratitude

It is important to acknowledge that this situation has, and will continue to, cut us pretty deep. To some extent, we’ve all been hurt by COVID-19. Lost wages, social isolation, and anxiety about the future are all taking a toll. I get it. It is easy for us to focus on all of the things we’ve lost and all of the things that we can’t do. But that doesn’t have to be our focus. What if instead, we took some time to reflect on what we have and what we can do? Personally, I feel incredibly blessed to have a healthy family and the warm Florida sunshine. Sure, I’ve lost a few gigs and our anniversary trip is canceled – but I’ve been on more bike rides with my kids in the past two weeks than I did in the previous six months. At some point, this will pass. I’ll go back on the road, the kids will go back to school, and this unique opportunity will be gone. I’d hate to look back on it knowing that I squandered it. We have our health and we have each other. We can always make more money and take another trip. Trite, but true.     

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Sharpen Your Axe

If you’re anything like me you have a to-do list that generally adds more check-boxes than it crosses off. It is hard to find the time to clean up the yard, organize the garage, straighten up the closet, or file the tax returns. I used to call these kinds of tasks “ankle-biters”, but now I call them “psychic weight”. They’re like a bunch of little 5lbs plates just weighing down my brain and preventing me from attacking life’s truly important work, and this COVID-19 situation just gave me a clear path to knock them out. Why sit on the couch and do nothing when you could be listening to a podcast and doing your spring cleaning? Why scroll through Instagram when you could be getting some fresh air while spreading some fresh mulch? I’m telling you, this window will close and you’ll go back on life’s treadmill. Get your house literally and figuratively in order while you can. When the whistle blows and the game resumes, you’ll be free from your psychic weight and ready to launch.

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Keep Training

We all know that physical training is good for the body, mind, and spirit. And the last time I checked, push-ups were still free and readily available. So are burpees, squats, sit-ups, running, and of course rucking. If you’ve got a little bit of equipment, even better. With almost every gym on the planet offering some kind of virtual, at-home training program including GORUCK, there are limitless options to move your body and stay fit during COVID-19. If you can train with a family member or friend, that would be ideal. If you can’t, start a video chat and train together from a distance. Share your workouts. Challenge a buddy. Get creative. Just #KEEPTRAINING

A Helpful Exercise

Take five minutes each morning to pull out your notebook or journal and do this little exercise. It will absolutely help you to stay grateful, sharpen your axe, and keep training. 

Step 1: Get out of bed

Step 2: Drink 20oz of water

Step 3: Write down three things you’re grateful for. Big or small, just be grateful.

Step 4: Write down three things you’re going to do today. Get shit done.

Step 5: Write down your plan for today’s training. Fortune favors the prepared.

These are tough times, but you are tougher people. Take stock of what you’ve got. Be good to each other. Make a plan. Execute. I can’t wait to see you all at a GORUCK event soon. There will be high-fives. There will be hugs. There will be buddy-carries. I will be ready. And you will be too.

Embracing the Stockdale Paradox

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At a time when so many of us are frustrated, disheartened, and uncertain about the future, I think we’d do well to take some advice from James Stockdale. Shot down over Vietnam in 1965, Stockdale spent eight years in the infamous Hanoi Hilton where he was repeatedly isolated, tortured, and starved. It is hard to image how anybody could survive that kind of suffering, much less emerge to thrive. But he did, and he has a relatively simple explanation of how - the Stockdale Paradox.

Popularized by famous business author Jim Collins, as a characteristic of great businesses, the Stockdale Paradox is essentially a combination of realism and resolve. You might call it hopeful pragmatism - the ability to face the brutal facts of your current reality while maintaining an unshakeable belief that you will prevail in the end. You can never lose hope, but you can never lose touch. And this is exactly what we need right now.

Pessimism is clearly not the answer. It never is. But, pure optimism isn’t either. In Stockdale’s own words:

“Oh, it’s easy. I can tell you who didn’t make it out. It was the optimists. They were the ones who always said, ‘We’re going to be out by Christmas.’ Christmas would come and it would go. And there would be another Christmas. And they died of a broken heart.”

This is an extremely difficult period for all of us and we can’t simply wish it away and convince ourselves that it’ll be over after the election, or after the holidays, or at any arbitrary point on the calendar. We have to face the challenges of 2020, and fight. And we have to do so knowing that we’ll figure it out and make it through. This isn’t paradoxical at all. It’s the way that tough people have been solving problems forever.

It is easy to feel like we have to fall into one of two camps (We’re Screwed OR We’re Fine), but we don’t. The truth is, we’re not screwed AND we’re not fine. We are in the middle of a bad situation. It hurts. And we don’t know when it will be over. But we will work our way out of it.

If the current moment has you feeling beat down, go easy on yourself, we are all going to have our low points. Maybe just keep Stockdale in mind. Shrink the world down a bit. Identify what is within your control. Acknowledge that times are hard, take it one day at a time, and keep moving forward.

Living Our Moment

This moment we live in is unprecedented, and yet, each moment we live always has been. Crises have a way of magnifying the fact that the way we live today matters, for each of us and for each other. 

In light of the COVID-19 Pandemic, the world waits for a way forward; some people in anticipation, all in uncertainty and many with great fear. Without question the current circumstance requires our attention, our discernment, and our careful response in leadership. 

People are scared. Some of us are navigating the waters of this pandemic with immune systems that are compromised, some of us are aging and fall within the highest risk categories of this virus. Others have reason to feel terror in the face of social isolation; perhaps they’ve already experienced enough. 

We all face new realities regardless of where we come from and today is our moment.

Through the generations we have seen people overcome extreme odds to create new realities for others. For example, we call them “The Greatest Generation” because they persevered through the Great Depression and World War II. And while this pandemic is nothing like either of those circumstances, this moment presents our opportunity to respond well. 

The question is not what will happen. We can only estimate. The question is what will you do? 

When we look back on this moment, no one will remember what events they missed, or parties that were cancelled. No one will recall the few church services they had to attend online or missing their favorite booth at the restaurant on date night. We will remember who provided calm, resilient leadership while others panicked. 

If we do this right, we will remember how we found one another, again, amidst a world drifted into loneliness. 

With an economic market plummeting and fluctuating, the two greatest commodities we can trade in today are hope and connection. In such moments of adversity, these may very well be the two greatest gifts we can give to one another. Make no mistake, they will cost you something. 

The cost of hope is disciplined thoughts and actions. We are all in the people business because we are all people. Organizations are the sum total of people and exist to serve...people! We settle into thought processes and philosophical paradigms influenced by our experiences and our hard wiring. You are who you are, fighting this is like trying to tie a rope in a tornado, but hope can be exercised and developed.

This situation is real, and real scary. Maybe not for you, but certainly for others in your sphere of influence. For the sake of our children, our spouses, our friends, our families and our teammates, take your thoughts captive when they fearfully run away from you. Be validated in the fact that what you are experiencing is real. Yet cinch your thought life down and walk with faithful resolve.

It is ok to admit that you’re scared, it is not ok to spread your fear to those counting on you. 

What we know today will change as rapidly as what we knew seven days ago. You cannot control that. You can control your response. A smile in the face of panic can do wonders to stabilize relationships. A calm word to our children can change their day while cooped up in the house. A bag of groceries on your elderly neighbor’s doorstep could save their life. 

Check your source of hope. Does it hold up to your present circumstances? Challenge that as you navigate these waters. Our greatest discoveries and growth are found at the edge of adversity. 

The cost of connection is your expectations on the way it should be. Ironically we live in an age of extreme social isolation to begin with. Sure, we all look perfect and connected on social media, but we all know it’s not real. We exist on digital islands, connected by a vast sea of social media and technological infrastructure. 

We need each other. We are made for relationships, for touch and face-to-face connection. While imperfect, in this moment we have the opportunity to build bridges across these islands and use social media and technology for their intended purposes: to connect us. Like no other time in history, we are uniquely prepared to shelter in place. 

Host a Google Hangout with your family, your coworkers, your community group or your friends and check in on each other. Is it perfect? No. Is it functional? Yes! Especially when we cannot hug one another or extend a warm handshake. The alternative to action is far worse than a few awkward moments on a call coaching your seventy year old mother on how to use Zoom (sorry mom)!  

Leaders, if we are unwilling to flex to the time in this way, we sacrifice progress for perfection and we will hit the wall. In this way, the cost is far greater than the way it should be. The cost is losing our people and today more than ever that is a cost we cannot bear. We need one another. One imperfect opportunity to connect is better than another moment slipped by in silence. 

Leave your expectations at the door you’re sheltered behind and open up the window to the world in your laptop. 

We will get through this, though we will sacrifice along the way. Many of us feel the pain now as we lay off staff, furlough teams or receive notifications that our job has just been eliminated. Our hearts are with you.  

Whatever unit of function you are leading right now, be that your family, your business, your team, yourself, and/or your community the very worst thing you can be right now is silent. Imperfect as it is, may we live our moment today in the face of great adversity by engaging in hopeful connection during this season in isolation. 

As for us, we’ll embrace and enjoy family time now especially in comparison to the typical busyness of un-quarantined life. May we all learn to find each other again, one game night, one video call, one puzzle, one bag of groceries and one bucket of popcorn and a movie at a time. 

Oh, and on that note, please relax on the toilet paper already! Peace. 

Meet Brandon Young

THANKS!

You could have spent five minutes anywhere. Thanks for spending it with me! 

I love people, that’s the first thing you should know about me, so you already know how I feel about you. I am a follower of Jesus, Kelly’s husband, Jaden and Elliot’s dad, a leader of people and a brother to more humans than I ever thought I’d be blessed to know.

Though we may be different, I know that far more connects us than divides us. I hope you know that too. 

Most people describe me as a passionate leader who lives faith forward with energy, candor, discipline, commitment and an unshakeable positivity. My mind routinely bounces between the creative, enthusiastic, action-oriented me and my drive for structure, order and achievement. It can be a bit exhausting at times. Kelly deserves a medal.

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Like all of us, my childhood certainly shaped the man I’d become. I was raised by a single mother in the San Francisco Bay Area. The youngest of three, I learned much about grit, adversity and hard work from my mom. She worked four jobs to keep our family fed, housed and clothed. I developed a strong sense of justice in those formative years and learned to invest in the power of community and relationships, a theme that has carried me far in life. 

I joined the US Army at the age of 18, immediately after graduating high school. When Basic Training, Infantry School and Airborne school ended, I took a shot at the Ranger Indoctrination Program, and graduated earning the storied black beret (at the time, tan beret since 2001). It was an honor to walk amongst the elite of the 2nd Ranger Battalion and I felt belonging and purpose while honing my leadership skills at the tip of the spear. I remained in the 75th Ranger Regiment for nearly a decade, and leaving was very difficult for me. You can read more about that here

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Though exiting the Rangers was hard, my family was worth fighting for, and we had a lot of healing to do after our difficult start.

Kelly and I married six days after the towers fell on 9-11, her mother died two days later of cancer and eight days later I deployed to the Middle East. Nine months later, I missed the birth of our son, Jaden during my first tour to Afghanistan. In total, I did 4 rotations to Afghanistan in support of Operation Enduring Freedom. I was present for my daughter, Elli’s birth in 2004 and it was the most amazing thing I have ever seen. I knew our situation had to change.

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I departed the Army in 2009, hoping to create a better life for my family after our rocky start. 

I spent the next few years cutting my teeth in the healthcare sector, as a Territory Sales Manager for Quest Diagnostics. These transition years were particularly difficult for us. We didn’t know how to come home together and made so many mistakes along the way. In 2011, we relocated from Georgia to Colorado, a door that was opened by providence and a decision that Kelly and I made in five minutes. I spent the next four years honing my business acumen, inspiring and transforming our business unit into one of the most profitable in the country and navigating my team through a $7B restructure.

Candidly, I went into business to make money, but I discovered that leading people in the real world brought me to life, professionally, in a new and exciting way. I come most alive uniting diverse groups of people to solve really hard problems that create value for everyone.

For Kelly, Jaden, Elli and I, our lives were transformed when we came into a relationship with Jesus Christ in 2012. Though imperfect, life has come into focus one subsequent leap of faith at a time. Walking in my Christian Faith, it didn’t take long before I felt called elsewhere. Like so many other veterans struggling to reintegrate post military service, something was missing. I left corporate America in 2014 and became the first Director of Development for Team Red, White and Blue. The partnerships we built for America's veterans and the lives we enriched feed my soul to this day.

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Leaving Team RWB was one more step closer to home. After 20 years of traveling, I accepted the role as Chief Advancement Officer for the Tennyson Center for Children, Colorado’s oldest and most respected non profit organizations delivering hope to abused, neglected and traumatized children. The assignment was a gift in so many ways; the children are inspiring world-changers and I came home for the first time in my life.

On December 22, 2018, Kelly and I reclaimed what was to have been our initial wedding date and our covenant, remarrying at Mission Hills Church with our children standing beside us and surrounded by our community.

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At this stage, you should know that I love making people laugh and my heart beats to encourage others. One of my greatest accomplishments is making my wife and children laugh (mostly) whenever I try.  

All this brings us to today. Inspired by a call to people and the growing need in America, Blayne and I Co-Founded Applied Leadership Partners in 2020 and I continue to sharpen my leadership instincts pursuing a Masters of Divinity in Leadership (2023) at Denver Seminary. In all of these experiences, people, purpose, hope, resilience and faith remain my driving engine of success. 

Having been given the gift to serve and lead teams through change, growth and adversity, we hope to offer some of our wisdom exceeding difficult goals while never giving up or leaving a teammate behind. The world needs authentic servant leaders to solve big problems and we’d be happy to take a fresh look at the challenges you're traversing. If we can serve you, please let us know. 

Meet Blayne Smith

Nice to Meet You

Our experience in life really influences our perspective and how we tend to make sense of the world. To understand where a person stands, it is really helpful to understand where they come from. So, here’s a little background on me.

I was raised in Florida by a couple of great midwestern parents. My upbringing steeped me in some very useful ideals like, ‘take pride in your work’, ‘finish what you start’, and ‘live within your means’.  Whatever my childhood may have lacked in expansiveness or ambition, it more than made up for with love, safety, and unwavering support. As a result, I think most people would describe me as reliable, strategic, thoughtful, or maybe even prudent. I’m good with all of that, but have worked hard over the past several years to also cultivate the ability to be more bold and open.  

At 18, I went off to West Point with the goal of taking on a big challenge and setting myself up for a solid future. Graduating in June of 2001, I’d planned to complete my mandatory five years of active duty service, go find a ‘real job’, and get on with my life. It didn’t really work out that way. The next ten years were a blur, with some notable highlights including: marrying my college sweetheart, 9/11, Iraq, having a boy, becoming a Green Beret, Afghanistan, having another boy, leaving the Army, working in corporate America, and divorce. Some of it is captured brilliantly in this blog post that tells my personal story of combat, loss, the struggle to come home, and the ultimate path back to a good life. It is both heartbreaking and hopeful, and I think you’ll absolutely find it worth a few minutes of your time.

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I began a new chapter of life in 2012 when I left my corporate job and accepted the role of Executive Director at Team Red, White, and Blue. Over the next five years, my days and weeks were filled with the thrill of growing a movement and the joy of serving my fellow veterans and their families.

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Professionally, it is probably what I’m most proud of and will always be a huge part of my life. Personally, this period in my life was full of new and exciting (sometimes scary) experiences. Most importantly, I met and fell in love with Jeni - my amazing wife, partner, and mother of sweet Penelope.

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Leaving Team RWB in 2017 was difficult, but it was only for an incredible opportunity to join my friend Jason, and an amazing business at GORUCK. While my tenure as President of the company was relatively short - which you can read all about in this piece I wrote about our family’s need to return home to Tampa - I remain involved as an advisor and continue to believe deeply in the ‘rucking revolution’.

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In 2018, I started a small consulting practice providing strategy, leader development, and coaching services to organizations that are seeking to make a social impact. It’s been an awesome experience so far and I have loved working with so many impressive and interesting teams and leaders. Through the process, I have discovered that my true calling is to contribute to meaningful missions and invest in the people around me. My work allows me to do that everyday and I feel very fortunate to have found it. Joining forces with my brother, Brandon has only reinforced and expanded my desire to share my hard-earned perspective and grow servant leaders. If you or your organization are wrestling with a period of growth or change, we’d be very happy to lend a hand.

An Origin Story

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So no kidding, there we were, sipping some seriously strong coffee at a Tampa bodega after 48 hours of whiteboards, big ideas, and practical thoughts. 

We have to do this.

It was 10 years after we first met in Orlando at a national sales meeting - fish out of water in our suits and ties. We’d figured out how to sell and win and lead in this new environment, but we could sense in each other that we were built for something different. Still, we embraced the shock of dealing with angry clients, constant rejection, and the long, lonely miles to learn how to be businessmen. 

We had marched hard miles before.

In 1997 we both entered the US Army, Blayne through West Point and Brandon through Ft. Benning’s Sand Hill. Over the next 12 years, we endured brutal training, honed our craft, led soldiers, and deployed to combat. A lot. Brandon as a Ranger in the 75th Ranger Regiment and Blayne as a Green Beret in the 3rd Special Forces Group. We experienced the full range and depth of the human experience - love, anger, brotherhood, fear, exhilaration, guilt, fulfillment, and profound loss. We achieved some great victories, saw some astonishing things, and survived harrowing moments that will forever be etched in our memories. 

We exited service around the same time, both hoping to turn the page and live ‘normal’ lives. We took corporate jobs and were doing our best to adapt and make a living while quietly struggling through the adversity of post-service reintegration. On the home front, we were trying to hold families together that had been ravaged by war, separation, and loss. We made so many mistakes, but we kept marching.

In 2012, Blayne left corporate America to become the first Executive Director of Team RWB. In the Spring of 2014, Brandon took his obligatory 60% pay cut to join the fast-growing veteran serving nonprofit and a hungry, talented team. Those days were tight, but our mission was solid and our crew was committed. Looking back, we recall with a smile those moments of scarcity, huddled around our financials with Laken and JJ, uncertain if we would make payroll. We didn’t break down, though, we broke through - together. Almost 4 years and $20M later, the organization was on a rocket ship and veterans were getting the care and the community they deserved.  

Back then, we had a couple of shared agreements that made all the difference: 

1) We can’t ask for permission. We have to do what we know is right - what we know will work, even if the rest of the world doesn’t see it yet.

2) We bet on our team and we walk in faith. If we believe in each other and in our mission, we’ll figure it out. 

In the fall of 2019, we found ourselves on a quick phone call that turned into a two-hour conversation about life and leadership and how we should go about making this world just a little bit better. That led to another phone call, then a video chat, then some shared books and articles, then a slew of Google docs, then a two-day whiteboard marathon that ended at that Tampa bodega...with a deep, unshakable belief.

We have to do this.

The truth is, we spent months literally trying to talk ourselves out of starting a leadership development firm. It’s a crowded industry, full of well-known personalities and systems. Does the world really need one more voice amongst all of the noise? As much as we tried to convince ourselves otherwise, the answer was a resounding “YES”.

So, why now? Because we live in an increasingly complex world with complex problems, and those problems are ultimately leadership problems. Whether you are trying to solve hunger, healthcare, climate change, or a financial crisis, you cannot do it without real leadership - applied leadership. More than ever, the world needs authentic, servant leaders who are willing and capable of being who they are, putting their mission at the center, and thriving in adversity. 

So why us? Because after decades of leading teams and businesses in uncertain and austere environments, we feel that we have something truly valuable to offer. Our successes and failures have left us with some hard-earned leadership wisdom - and our aim is to help you apply it. To make sense of how it relates to your team and your mission. To be guides, on the path with you as you navigate your next leadership challenge. 

Leadership is hard, especially if you care. But it doesn’t have to be lonely. We are here to support you and your team through the highs and lows of striving together. If you want your organization to function with more ownership, candor, creativity, and resilience we would be very happy to go on that journey with you.  

Here’s to the road ahead! 

Brandon and Blayne